Taylor Swift’s Netflix documentary Miss Americana is finally out today…along with the most intimate glimpse yet that the singer has allowed of her private relationship with British actor Joe Alwyn.
Swift spoke in the film about how she doesn’t feel ready for motherhood yet, so tabloids, please quit it with any pregnancy rumors. “There’s part of me that feels like I’m 57 years old, but there’s part of me that’s definitely not ready to have kids and definitely not ready for all that grown up stuff,” Swift said at one point. “I kind of don’t really have the luxury of figuring stuff out, though, because my life is planned two years ahead of time. Literally, in two months, they’ll come at me with dates for the next tour.”
What she said—and what was shown—of her with Alwyn was pretty minimal. But she did discuss, without naming him explicitly, why she fell in love with him in the fall of 2016, after her Kim Kardashian Snapchat scandal tainted her, and the singer chose to take a step back from the spotlight for a bit. “I felt alone, I felt really bitter,” Swift said, via Hollywood Life. “I felt sort of like a wounded animal lashing out. I figured I had to reset everything. I had to reconstruct an entire belief system for my own personal sanity. I also was falling in love with someone who had a wonderfully normal, balanced life.”
She also addressed their choice to keep their relationship under the wraps. “We decided together we wanted our relationship to be private,” she said. “Even though it [Swift’s public image in 2016] was really horrible, I was happy. But I wasn’t happy in the way I was trained to be happy. It was happiness without anyone else’s input. We were just…happy.”
Alwyn’s appearances in the documentary were mostly behind the camera. Some were in the trailer: Her kissing his hand in the car, her hugging him after performing “Getaway Car” on stage during a show. His face is shown in the movie’s full clip—and it’s the only time it is.
At one point, Swift sang one of her Reputation songs believed to be about him, “Call It What You Want” to him while he was filming her. She mouthed the words “I love you” at one point to him, and when she sang the lyric, “at least I did one thing right,” she pointed her foot up to him.
InStyle pointed out that at one point in the film, Swift appeared to be wearing a ring on her engagement ring finger. The outlet asked Miss Americana‘s director Lana Wilson if the ring meant Swift was engaged—if it was a subtle reveal. Wilson didn’t answer. “Whoa,” she said when asked about the clip. “I’m going to have to revisit that scene.”
Chances are, since the documentary was filmed over months, and Swift has not been seen wearing any ring or reported to be engaged by sources or any outlet, that the moment hasn’t come yet. But surely, given Alwyn’s role in the film and Swift’s life, it’s a possibility sometime in the future.