RBG Returns to Work to Fight the Wall in Hand-to-Hand Combat



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Like the Mighty Ducks, Supreme Court supreme Ruth Bader Ginsburg is back in action! The 85-year-old remaining hope for democracy has been working from home since late December as she recovered from surgery for two malignant nodules on her lungs. Per a spokesperson for the court, Ginsburg will be joining the justices’ private conference on site today.

While convalescing—on the actual day of the surgery—Ginsburg cast a vote against Trump’s asylum ban. Unlike most people, when RBG works from home, she actually works from her home. You think RBG is posted up on her couch, watching The View and checking work email sporadically? No indeed! She’s downstairs in her personal gym pouring over legal documents in between bench presses. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is rousing herself from anesthesia by sheer force of will just to cast a decisive vote and 50% Americans won’t even stop by their polling place on the way home from work. Make it make sense!



In any case, all that is in the past now as RBG strolled into the Supreme Court chambers this morning and shouted, “I heard y’all have a national emergency.” Ruth Bader Ginsburg coming back to work on the day that President Humpty Dumpty announces his wall made of grifts and dog whistles will be built under a declaration of national emergency is a feat of poetic synergy. Nick Fury showed up her doorstep and she was like, “Say no more, my dude. My briefcase is packed and the car is already running. To the Gins-mobile!”

RBG is going to fight the wall in hand-to-hand combat and I fear for the wall. Actually, sorry, that’s gloved-hand-to-hand combat.


Waiting to pounce.


It would all be very entertaining if it wasn’t so sad. What a complete waste of everyone’s time this chapter in history is. That said, when my kids try to skip class on “Millennium Dark Ages” day in AP History I’m going to sternly remind them that Ruth Bader Ginsburg, by then a 145-year-old Supreme Court Justice, reported work every single day and once wrestled a metaphorical wall to the ground in the pool in front of the Lincoln Monument, so the least they can do is listen to an Amazon Teacherdrone detail which Trump tweets ended up being most incriminating. It’s an easy A.

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