The 2018 White House Christmas Theme Is Apparently ‘The Shining’

Another year in the Trump White House, another opportunity to add a touch of holiday magic to the banality of evil!

As you can see, we still haven’t learned anything about the sinister effects of up-lighting! Merry Christmas, or else!

We are so excited for you to bring your children, kicking and screaming, into this year’s display. To put you in the holiday mood we’ve chosen to go a little on-the-nose by using so much red it looks like the walls of the White House are bleeding. After all, what is Christmas with the Trumps if not a horror movie full of tired clichés?

So, that’s the theme this year. No, not tired clichés, silly. Red. Just… red. It’s a huge change from last year’s theme which was “A terrifying amount of white.”

We hope you enjoy this year’s display, but we know that last year’s decor will always hold the most special place in your heart. After all, it’s like that old Christmas carol says, “I’m dreaming of a white nation!”

Is this a wreathe made out of sharpened Be Best pencils or a bottomless pit of despair? Can’t it be both?! It’s the holidays, after all. We were particularly struck by the metaphor of taking a tool that has an established educational use and shellacking it within an inch of its life and throwing it on the wall. We thought that would be best for it.

The irony of this elaborate display about a refugee family seeking protection from persecution is completely lost on us.

But just in case, we’re going to separate the Baby Jesus from Mary and Joseph indefinitely

Ah yes, the time-honored ritual of walking slowly through the haunted halls of the East Wing, placing one crimson-gloved hand on the walls and releasing a prophecy. This year’s prophecy: Things aren’t looking good!

Speaking of which, the overwhelming feeling of dread was one of the many sources of inspiration for this year’s decorations. Here’s some other prompts we kept in mind as we cooked this year’s holiday decor up in a cauldron:

“I need an old priest, and a young priest, and a partridge in a pear tree”

A forest ravaged by climate change

The wreckage of all the red Starbucks cups we have seized during the War on Christmas

A nightmare you have after eating the wrong berries while camping

The Chilling Adventures of Melania

The bogs in those Ocean Spray Cranberry juice commercials

The scene in The Shining where the halls fill up with blood

A visual representation of the number of profiles the New York Times has done on Trump supporters

Merr-e. coli

A Yankee Candle store in the East Hell mall

Lot’s Wife if she turned into cayenne pepper instead of salt

The movie Carrie but festive. Mariah Carrie!

Little Red Riding Hood told from the wolf’s point-of-view

Pretty much every moment of Jennifer Lopez’s The Cell

The alien spores that grow MAGA hats

Suspiria’s Greetings!

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