Dear E. Jean: I have a crush on my best friend’s man. I’ve tried to behave myself, but one night the three of us got drunk at a posh charity event, and my friend’s boyfriend absolutely insisted I stay the night with them. Not only did we all sleep in the same bed, he initiated some “handcraft,” which I stupidly followed. Did I mention my best friend was in the same bed?
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This situation has been repeated many times, and I don’t know how to stop it! How do I redirect my relationship with him before it’s too late? I am aware he is a complete asshole. With love,—Blond Ambition
Miss Blond: For 25 years, Auntie Eeee has been filling the very air with a hurricane of tenderhearted, godlike mercy. But I have a few words for you, my darling: Get the hell out of that bed!
If you don’t, Auntie will commence some “handcraft” upside your head! Stop blubbering about “redirecting your relationship”with the man; show your friend the respect she deserves, tell her everything, and let her decide what to do with him. (But this can’t have happened that “many times” without her knowing, can it?)
Either way, do not ask to be forgiven. Instead, draw up a list of your personal standards and take control of your moral life. Because you’re right, Miss Blond: There is a “complete asshole” in this squalid little bed game, and that person is you.
This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2018. Send questions to E. Jean at E.Jean@AskEJean.com.