Ask E. Jean: I Want to Meet My Husband’s Mistress for Closure

Life & Love

Dear E. Jean: My husband has admitted to having an affair, but he does not want a divorce.

I’m very curious about the “other woman.” My husband has answered “all questions”—claimed it was only sex, etc. I just need to meet her face-to-face and find out if hubby is telling the truth about it being over.

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I’m not looking to hurt her, scream at her, or rant and rave. I just want to meet her, ask about their affair, and put it behind me. Then I can decide whether or not to leave my husband. —I Want a Powwow

Miss Powwow, You Genius! If this isn’t the juiciest idea to appear in the Ask Eeee column in years, I’ll run a mile in five-inch heels.

I’ve always believed that marriages would be more fun (and the reason to get married, in my opinion, is to have fun and enjoy each other—otherwise, why go through all the compromising?) if partners weren’t so attached to impossible ideals of monogamy.

So yes, I like your idea. I think it should be a law.

Because if husbands knew that wives would soon be meeting the “other woman” for cocktails, male infidelity would nosedive. (Wives, of course, can wear out more lovers than they do $500 shoes, but we’ll save that for another column.)

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Consider taking the lead on your idea, Miss Powwow. Call the lady and propose meeting for drinks. She’ll be suspicious (ironic, eh?), so assure her you just wish to chat. But I warn you: You won’t get “the truth about it being over.”

You’ll get a truth. If you’re lucky, the lady will jabber out a more or less factual draft of her version of the truth. But do you really want to hear how many times your husband told her he loved her? Or that he liked her legs better than yours? Or that he took her to your favorite bistro on the river?

Or perhaps that lady will simply smile, clasp your hand to her heart, throw her eyes toward heaven, and begin lying her lips off.

Well, well, I see I’ve changed my mind. Meeting the “other woman” should not be a law.

With odds of both good and evil arising from your meeting, weigh your rendezvous carefully. You’ve already withstood a hailstorm of pain. Do you want to go through another? It may be best to forgive the chump and move on.

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at


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