Dear E. Jean: I’m a happily married thirtysomething woman with a very satisfying sex life. However, I want to try sex with a woman. Not a specific woman—in fact, better for it to be completely anonymous, as I don’t want a relationship or any kind of ongoing “thing.” I just want to try it out. The problem is: I don’t want my husband involved, as he’d act like a 14-year-old boy about it. I love him and he’s awesome, but I just want a one-off, private experiment. —How Do I Pull This Off?
Pull Off, My Pimento: I’m trying to imagine what my answer would be if you’d asked about wanting to “try sex” with another man who’s not your husband, and I am startled to find that I believe it would be exactly the same: I wish for you to experience as many pleasures as possible. Indeed, what is life if not one long “private experiment”? Now let’s figure out how to tell your husband.
There are two kinds of married women: The kind who tells her husband everything, and the kind who believes that telling her husband everything is impossible and, worse, boring.
If you’re the first kind, tell him.
But wait. There are two kinds of married men: The kind who want their wives to tell them everything, and the kind who think they want their wives to tell them everything, but really they want them to feel free to hide anything too interesting.
If he’s the first kind of husband—tell him. It could be the thrill of his life. And yours. (And, if the young lady agrees, you may then talk about permitting the excited chap to join you for an additional romp.)
However, if he’s the second kind of married man, well, well, well—what are you waiting for? Click “woman-looking-for-women” on Howaboutwe.com, Okcupid .com, or Tawkify.com.
P.S. There are two kinds of respondents on dating sites: the kind who do not wish to be treated as “completely anonymous” “one-offs,” and the kind who will make you her “private experiment.”
This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at E.Jean@AskEJean.com.