Ask E. Jean: Lack of Intimacy Is Ruining My Relationship

Life & Love

Dear E. Jean: My boyfriend and I have our struggles. But with him, arguments and fights just emphasize how 100 percent sure I am that this is the man for me. Which is why I’m so dissatisfied with our sex life. Honestly, I don’t even remember the last time either of us finished during sex. Making love is infrequent. When it does happen, it’s hard for me to stay in the moment. I also feel such pressure to help him achieve pleasure. He’s had to stop several times because my dryness is hurting him. How embarrassing! When I try to guide him to show him what feels good to me, it doesn’t work. And he’s not at all comfortable showing me what he likes. He just gets up set with me for making him “feel pressured.” Should I stop trying? When we’re outside, or on the sofa, I try to tease him, but he brushes my hand away, annoyed. Sometimes he literally tells me to stop. It’s hurtful and frustrating. This is not what I want my sex life to be. What should I do? —Dissatisfied

Dissatisfied, My Darling: He fights. He fumes. He fizzles and fumbles in bed. Where’s the excitement? Where are the orgasms? It’s letters like this that get men so disliked in the Ask E column. He is surely not the man for you. I repeat: He is not the man for you.

This article originally appeared in the January 2019 issue of ELLE.



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