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Some dates good; most dates bad. In ELLE.com’s Dates of Wrath column, anonymous daters share true stories of their very worst rendezvous. This week: First comes FaceTime, then comes…the hotel room.
I had recently been doing what I call serial dating, since I was out of a four-year relationship. So I decided to go on all of the apps, Tinder being my number one because I had paid extra so that I could see who likes me first. No rejection—every guy that I liked would like me back.
He seemed interesting in his profile: He had a horse. He had very strong features, like a Disney prince—Flynn Rider from Tangled—with block eyebrows and a jawline.
I was obviously attracted. We started chatting and very quickly moved on to texting because I hate chatting on the app. I always say, “Dude, here’s my number. Do you wanna just chat with me?” The first text he sends me is, “If you don’t mind, would you want to do a phone call first to gauge our chemistry?” And I was like, “What?” Like an interview.
Somebody actually told me that this was their best advice for online dating. You can get a sense of your conversational pace—if it works or if it doesn’t. So I was not opposed. And then he was like, “Or FaceTime?” FaceTime is so personal. I don’t FaceTime with my best friends. I don’t even FaceTime with my sister. And you’re usually at home and don’t look cute. But I’d decided to adopt a “Just say yes” attitude, just be open to opportunity so I could figure out what I like and what I don’t.
So I FaceTimed him. We ended up on the phone for an hour just talking—the typical kinds of things, like, “What do you do?” The conversation flow was going really well. He looked even better on FaceTime than he did in his photos—boys suck at Tinder profile pictures. It was a Friday night and I was like, “Oh my God. I don’t need to even leave the house. This is brilliant.” And I did like him.
We start messaging and he starts telling me how he’s moving to New York in three weeks. I hate that. The idea of planting seeds to me is so frustrating, because the whole point of apps is to meet people in person as soon as possible, because otherwise what you get is a pen pal. I didn’t want this to become that. He was finishing up a master’s degree at an Ivy League out of state and was going to move to New York to get a business degree.
He wanted to do another phone date in couple days, and because I enjoyed talking to him, I started talking to him. But it got weird because he started saying things like, “I really want to meet you. I really wanna see you.” I’m like, “Oh, yeah. I’m looking forward to meeting too.” Then he said, “I have a crazy idea.” And I said, “What is it?”
He’s like, “I want to get a hotel room and come to the city this weekend. And then we can get to know each other in person in the hotel room.” I said, “What?” Like, “Don’t you think we need to do the other things first? Can you at least pretend to want to take me out to drinks first before getting to bed with me?” He’s like, “Well, why can’t we do both? Why can’t we have both?” When I started resisting him, he said, “I just feel myself falling for you.” We’d been talking for five days. He said, “I love your smile and your personality, and the fact that you’re ambitious.” A big profession of love.
I felt like an escort, with him asking me to meet in a hotel room and “get to know each other.” I was like, “You seem too nice to be this sleazy.” He said, “I don’t want you to feel that way. I don’t want you to feel pressure. I just feel like we’re attracted to each other, that’s obvious. Why beat around the bush? Why can’t you get to know somebody sexually?” Then he said, “We wouldn’t just be fucking. We’d order takeout.”
He’s like, “The only reason I wanna do this with you is because I’m not gonna be in the city.” I told him to just call me when he moved to the city. But then he kept on pushing this idea, even over text. I told him I just didn’t feel comfortable. Then we would go on another call and he was just like, “But why not? I don’t just want you for sex. I wanna take you out, bring you to my work parties, and hold your hand and show you off.” I’m like, “…like an escort?”
The craziest part is he was telling me about his finance community and how he feels like he doesn’t fit in with them because they go to strip clubs, they get escorts. Yet he’s telling me that he wants me to do all these things. He said, “No, I wanna get to know everything that makes you you.” He also sent me a dick pic. It was unsolicited, I didn’t ask for that! I deleted our text history ’cause I didn’t wanna see that shit.
It was confusing because he would say things like, “I see how my parents have been together forever and that’s what I want, a relationship.” You can’t have the one night stand and then also the long term relationship. My roommate told me, “Don’t let him paint this as a ‘sweep you off your feet,’ unconventional thing. What he wants to do is a tale as old as time.”
Eventually I told him, “Hey, I’m not at the same intensity level as you and I don’t wanna waste your time.” That was my way of saying goodbye. He’s like, “It’s not about intensity. It’s about trust.” I’m like, “Trust who? I don’t know you.” The next day, he texted me: “I don’t know why I can’t get you off my mind.” And then…”I really wanna do this thing this weekend.” I just never responded to him, and that was the end of that.